Of Tragedy and Bonds (Writing, 12-14-12)
Whenever a tragedy like the recent shooting at an elementary school happens, everyone wants someone to blame. They especially like to target gun owners, as ‘if guns didn’t exist, we wouldn’t be in this situation’, or so they would assume. If guns weren’t around, people would find one way or another to hurt each other. Improvised weaponry, knives, clubs, even their bare fists. People will hurt one another, that’s one of the dark sides of humanity.
So then, what can we really do? What can we take away from this, and how can we keep it from happening again? Will more laws do the job? No, I argue, they won’t do a thing. What would be treating would simply be treating a symptom of the problem. It’s arguably the same as keeping knives from someone who cuts themselves impulsively. If they want to do so, and no one stops them, they’ll find a way. People are persistent like that. So too are those who want to hurt others, regardless of reason. So then, how do you combat such indifferent hate? With compassion. Society as a whole loves to put those that would commit such horrible crimes in various catergories, groups, and keep them separate from the rest of society. The reason why is simple, we all want to be believe that the killer is someone else, not one of ‘us’. This leaves us feeling better about ourselves, and lets us continue with our daily lives with nary a thought or care about the situation as a whole. We pass some new law, have a memorial, and move on with our lives, never treating the real problem. The real problem, I hate to say, is not some inanimate piece of metal and plastic. It is the horrible people who perpetrate such crimes, don’t get me wrong. But the ones also at fault are you and I.
But it has nothing to do with you, you’re probably thinking. That’s where you’re wrong. How many times in your life have you watched others get bullied and simply ignore the situation? How many homeless people have you stepped over on your way through a city? How many hurt people have you ignored? That isn’t to say that everyone else’s problems are your problems…but yes, they actually are.
We all like to isolate ourselves, form our small group, protect and interact with just them, and want to forget about the world at large. Small groups are manageable, the people are close, and it’s something we feel we can affect, that we can change. The world is big, and what could we possibly do to affect something so huge? Thinking such is a natural thought, but believing it is something else entirely.
How many times in your life have you been hurt, and no one else stopped to help you? How many times have you suffered, been betrayed, felt lost, angry, and without hope? The person next to you, who you may not know anything about, has been in the same situations have you been, only the names and details changed. We like to ignore that, and center the world on ourselves. In short, we each think that the world begins with me, and ends with me.
By ignoring the world, ignoring the pain of those around us, we also ignore ourselves, our own pains, our own sufferings. Such a world doesn’t get any better, but simply keeps repeating the same cycles of pain, loss, and despair. You are not so far from that man who took the lives of so many innocent people. You likely scoff at that last sentence, finding it ludicrous. You think it’s impossible that you’re capable of such a thing. I assure you that you are. All it takes is one bad day. All of us are truly just one bad day away from descending into such path to a personal hell. What would your price, do you think? Losing your family? Being betrayed by the one you held most close? Having everything stolen from you, even your dignity? It’s possible for anyone to be pulled down to that level. What we do when we’ve fallen that far, when have nothing left but our very souls and the flesh that houses it, that is often what defines who we are.
Would all of us choose that black road, spreading pain and misery in our wake in a deranged effort to quell our own suffering? No, we would not. It’s one of humanity’s saving graces, that many of us could never take the life of another in any situation, perhaps even our own. Our reasons for such are out own, and certainly range from the most righteous to the most self-serving. The fact remains that not all of us would commit such atrocities, but even so, not being a perpetrator does not free one from guilt. If you say someone was setting your neighbor’s house on fire, would you not feel compelled to tell them? It is very much the same in the every day, the small flames lit in the hearts around those you pass by every day. Every licking flame burns away a bit of their heart. To ignore it completely is no different than sitting back and simply watching the fire spread before it engulfs the structure entirely.
When then can be done, if anything? The answer is simple, yet vast. There are many ways of combating fear, the fear brought about by such tragedies, most readily anger. Anger gives us drive, it gives us motivation to do something about a wrong committed. Anger is also another kind of flame, a flame that easily grows and spreads, and often does little other than consume more than the fear that caused it. Now anger, anger is a hard force to fight. It feeds on itself, for little other reason than its existence. Often when asking others why they hate someone, they will list any number of reasons, but even after those are resolved, they still ‘hate’ that person. Time often is the only source of the decay of such an inferno. Without sufficient fuel, even anger burns out eventually. However, such a thing is more toward ignoring that it exists that combatting it. Which brings us back to our original point: what then, can be done? The answer, though a hard pill to swallow, is simple: compassion. If we all reached out to even a single person in need, even in the smallest way every day, the collective action of all of us would amount to a great, great thing. It is something so subtle that we often disregard it entirely, thinking such acts have no real effect on the world. But, sometimes, often without our notice, even the smallest of kindness can mean the world to another. Knowing someone is out there, anyone, who cares about them in the slightest can be the buoyancy that keeps someone afloat for another day. We ourselves often find ourselves fumbling in the dark, not sure how we’ll keep our own heads above water in the day to day. What we don’t realize is again, that person next to you is going through the same things you are. You’re both in the same sea together. You’re just screaming so hard for help that you can’t hear their cries through the crashing surf. To survive, we need each other. No man is an island. We live or we die often by the strength of our bonds alone. That’s the reason seven billion of us are out there these days: to bind ourselves to ever more people, holding them up while they hold us up.
So think twice the next time you see that person struggling to walk down the street, or crying in the corner on the train. That person, sooner or later, will likely be you. By reaching out, by helping that one person, even in the smallest way, the one you may truly be saving is yourself.
X&V,
K.D.S.
The Harvest of Love
The God of my heart is great. In him, there is much love, much light.
The one who has family, has friends, and God in his heart has much.
For that one may be poor in material things, but he is rich in love.
So rich that he cannot stand to keep it to himself.
For how could one who had an abundance of wheat, far more than he could ever use, keep it to himself?
How could he stand to simply sit and watch it rot away, when there are so many about him hungry for it?
No, I say to you, when a hungry man comes to that one’s door, he will be fed.
For one with so much love cannot keep it to himself.
The same is true of the God of my heart, and the God of all hearts.
His love, his grace, his peace are so abudant, he cannot possibly keep it to himself.
So many walk with eyes closed, with mind shut, with hearts of stone.
Yet when these barriers are gone, so great is the harvest within them.
Remember, my brothers and sisters, that without the light of love in your heart, nothing will bloom.
And once such an abudance does bloom within your heart, remember then to let others in, lest that wondrous harvest be wasted.
For the greatest food the world can offer, the one that fills body, heart, and soul, that is love.
Nurture it, grow it, share it.
For it is the greatest gift of them all.
[Drops of Sanity Rant] – To awaken a people from their stupor.
What does it take for men to wake up from their stupor? In this world, so many problems lie before us, so many I cannot even begin to name them all. Yet the people seem so aloof, so apathetic towards so many of them. Perhaps it is because many do not seem to directly impact their daily lives, or that they find themselves too preoccupied with other matters. Perhaps their noses are held so close to the grindstone that they find themselves unable to look up. Perhaps, more cynically, some simply refuse to look up, to examine and tackle the world’s bigger problems. Much as a politician dances around controversial issues, many seem to simply ignore the elephant in the room, whatever that elephant might be. Some seem to relegate such intellectual matters to those they decide to elect in a matter of minutes, only to complain at the results for the years that nothing changes.
Perhaps though, the root of the problem is far deeper than that. For so much of human history, the world has felt so far out of our control. Disasters, wars, famine, and every cycle of nature seems to many to simply ignore our presence, our input, our will. Reality in such a mind is something ‘which is’, rather than something that can be molded and shaped. Reality becomes inflexible, unbending, unyielding, despite what we might want it to be like. That very mindset cut to the root of the apathy, the mindless of so many today. “This is how it is, and this is how it always will be.” That line of thinking has been droned into people’s minds for countless generations, whether it be elders who are reluctant to accept a changing world, or those in power simply desiring a complacent populace. Don’t rock the boat, don’t walk off beaten paths, don’t think beyond what we tell you. It instills a sense of mindlessness, creating a flock of limp-willed sheep, eager to do their shepard’s will, even if that leads them to slaughter.
It has resulting in a stagnancy, an abatement of advancement, a diminishing of will. Mankind has pushed so far in the last hundred years as some of the tendrils of the old world began to fall away, and as greater conflicts both divided and united the peoples of the world. Yet as we enter the 21st century, even as chaos seems to spread around the globe, it seems to many almost regular, almost expected, mundane. Is this simply due to the oversaturation of information, or the instilling of such sheepish ideas in people?
Revolution, war, famine are all happening around the globe at this very moment. Yet why is it that people seem to ignore such things? Why do they simply watch their 15 minutes of news, and move on with their day? Is it because they don’t know how to help, or simply that they do not desire to? That answer of course, would differ greatly from person to person.
Yet how can this change? How can one shift the mindset of an entire people from ‘reality’ being something beyond their control to something that can be shaped, molded? The easiest answer one would likely be the most controversial, and the most troubling. There are two basic situations where people band together, where the walls and divisions that we put between each other come crumbling down, if only for a time. These two would be in times of crisis, or times of achievement. Quite expectedly, the two are rather intertwined, as achievement comes from solving a problem. The more terrible the problem, the greater the exultation, but can also be harder for people to admit to, or harder for them to face.
But let us focus on the first idea, a crisis. A crisis can mean many things to many people. It can be a physical threat such as war, an emotional or societal one such as an idea or act to which people are opposed to, or a spiritual one such as a religious conflict. All conflicts are divisive, but the latter two examples are especially so. Men can do great and terrible things in pursuit of an idea or a god, but it can also break down barriers, see past petty conflicts that separate people.
Without a conflict, a goal, a greater purpose, people tend to turn inward, creating that conflict internally in a society between one group or another. Something happens (or doesn’t), the people are roused to action (or merely hatred), and a fire is born. Humanity itself a tinderbox of division and conflict, but as we have learned over countless millennia, conflict is what spurs any species to improve, to advance, to move forward. The lack of such conflict, while calm, happy, and desirable, does not spur that growth. In short, humanity in its current level of existence requires a villain, an evil to which to reflect themselves against, to base themselves on, to solidify our own sense of self and purpose, and fight against. So when evil men come and do terrible things, is it the fault of the evil one, or are they merely fulfilling their purpose to the world at large? Such an idea is likely left to one greater than I.
“Hello, Here I am” Response song to “Hello/How are you?”
I wrote a response song to the song, “Hello/How are you?” It’s a Miku Hatsune song, and I worked off of a dub that madokaueno wrote up. Here’s the lyrics to both songs!
“HELLO/HOW ARE YOU?”
(Hello)
I open my window
And whisper quietly
(How are you?)
In a room all by myself
There’s nobody here
(Morning)
The night is breaking
The rain is falling down again
(Tick tock)
Somebody please come and wind me up today
(Hello)
I remember this cartoon from a long time ago
(How are you?)
I was so jealous – he was loved by everybody
(Sleeping)
Enough with the daydreaming – I have to get ready soon
(Crying)
So I can hide the evidence of my tears
It’s become a habit to just say “Oh well”
And I remember what you said to me yesterday
“I won’t expect anything from you anymore”
Well, come on
I don’t expect much from myself either
But what kind of reaction were you hoping to get?
All of these honest words are waiting to be free but
What eventually come out were lies
And this is how I live, floating aimlessly by
Just sitting here, wasting all my precious words
Tell me why you keep silent and hide it all?
Are you that afraid of somebody laughing?
Is it true that you want to be by yourself?
Is that how you really feel?
I’m drowning in a sea of “maybe”s and “what if”s
It’s getting harder and harder to breathe
And now all I want to do is hear your voice
I know I’m not that strong
I’m trying to get ready for the rest of my day but
my brain’s not working – nothing’s getting done
I think, “Maybe I should make up an excuse and just stay home”
Oh, come on,
I know that won’t work
I don’t intend to actually carry it out
I know, I know, so don’t be mad at me
Whether I’m happy, whether I’m unhappy
Justly, cruelly, the sun will always rise
I have my hands full just trying to make it through the day
Now tell me – what more do you expect from me?
Tell me why you let everything get to you?
I know that you just want to be loved.
But who was the one who gave up first?
Have you realized yet?
If there’s a time card for the life I’ve lived
Then I wonder what time mine ends?
And who will pay the salary for the span of my life?
Thank you
I want to tell you how grateful I am
Thank you
I want to tell you how thankful I am
Thank you
It only has to be just one time
I just want to cry without holding anything back
Telling you thank you, thank you
Tell me why you keep silent and hide it all?
I know that you just want to be heard
And I promise that I won’t laugh or judge
So why don’t you talk to me?
No one will understand if you don’t speak out and
Just thinking it will never do
I know it’s troublesome but it’s human
You and I, and everyone
Hello
How are you
I say to you: Hello. How are you?
“HELLO, HERE I AM”
(Hello)
I open your window
And whisper quietly
(Here I am)
In a room by yourself
I am there too.
(Morning)
The dawn is coming
The sky opens up again
(Tick tock)
Here I am to wind you up again.
(Hello)
I remember that show from long ago.
(Here I am)
It might not be everyone, but I love you.
(Dreaming)
Enough with the tears, your day has just begun.
(Softly)
Cause I am here to wipe them away.
It’s become a habit to hear you say “Oh well”
And I remember what I said to you yesterday
“Your dream has not yet faded away.”
Well come on,
If dreams were so easy, then you wouldn’t need them.
It was the reaction I expected to get.
Though you try to hide it with selfish lies.
What eventually comes out will be the truth.
And this how you live, floating aimlessly by
Just siting here, wasting all your precious breath.
Tell me, why do you keep silent and hide it all?
Are you afraid of someone laughing?
Is it true that you want to be by yourself?
Is that how you really feel?
You’re drowning in a sea of ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’
So I’ll help you breathe.
And now all I want is to hear your voice.
I know too I’m not strong.
I’m trying to get ready for the rest of my day, but
You’re distant, and nothing’s getting done.
You think, “Maybe I should make an excuse and just stay home.”
Oh, come on,
You know that won’t work.
You don’t intend to actually carry it out.
I know, I know, so I won’t be mad at you.
Whether I’m happy, or whether I’m unhappy
Justly, brightly, the sun will always rise.
Your hands are full just making it through the day.
Now you say – “What more do you expect from me?”
Why do you let everything get to you?
I know you just want to be loved.
But you never really gave up at all.
Haven’t you realized yet?
If there’s a time card for the life we’ve lived
Then I know it’s always been blank.
The salary has been already paid for the span of your life.
You’re welcome.
You don’t need to say how grateful you are.
You’re welcome.
You don’t need to say how thankful you are.
You’re welcome.
Even if it was just one time.
I want you to let it out, without holding anything back.
Telling everything that weighs on your heart.
So why do you stay silent, and hide it all?
I know you just want to be heard.
And I promise I won’t laugh or judge.
So why don’t you talk to me?
No one will understand if you don’t speak out and
Just thinking it will never do.
I know it’s troublesome, but it’s human
You and I, and everyone.
Hello
Here I am.
I say to you: Hello, Here I am.
The Last Two.
“The Last Two”
How long has this war gone on? Ten years? Fifty years? A hundred? All I know is that from my very first sensations, I knew what war was, what it smelled like, what it tasted like. The metallic taste of gunpowder and blood in my mouth. The smell of cordite hanging in the air like a fog that never quite seemed to go away. Only the rain seemed to dampen it, and even that was only a slight pause before it was strengthened anew, like some twisted air freshener. I got to know the feeling of the cold metal of my rifle more than the soft flesh of another human being. It was always so loud, so loud. Loud was good though. Loud meant there other people around you. Silence meant that planes were coming in to drop bombs, or worse. You learned to love the noise, the cacophony of life and death. After all, in silence, there was no life, only death. Even the screams of agony from any side of you let you know there was someone else alive in the world…even for that brief moment. People, though, weren’t companions, as I was told once that they used to be, but simply more targets. More moving objects to sight down the scope of my rifle, and pull the trigger till they moved no longer. War was a person’s only companion, mine included. You woke up with war, you ate with war, you went to bed with war. You might ask questions of war, but war never responded. War was a terrible companion in that way. War had gone on so long, that even as a child, no one remembered who was the victim, who was the aggressor, or even who or why we were fighting. The war simply was, and that was all we needed to know, or at least, we reasoned that much. After all, so long as there’s another person at the end of my scope who’s trying to do the same to me, either I pull the trigger so I can wake up tomorrow, or I don’t wake up. I remember once a person who seemed to choose the latter of the two. He dropped his gun and ran out in the open, as if asking to be released from this hellish existence. While I thought about this man and his choice, someone else granted his wish for him. A shot rang out, and he sloshed down into the muck, another pile of meat for the crows to pick clean.
The war continued until I found myself the size and appearance of those around me were when I was a child. Things had gotten much quieter now, and it frightened me. Day by day, the loud crashes and booms of bombs and gunfire became softer, more infrequent, and farther away. Finally, one day, there was nothing but silence. I cowered in a hole for hours that day, knowing surely I would meet my own end that day. Silence was death, and there was not a sound to be heard. I would bang on rock and rubble, and it seemed that the more I tried to make noise, the more the silence took it in, like a great maw opening up to swallow me whole. I finally leaned my head up only to have the whizzing blur of a bullet zoom past. For a moment, I was elated. The silence was gone, and I wasn’t alone…even though this other person intended to kill me. I quickly leveled my rifle and began firing away, in exuberance that someone else was out there. I was firing wildly, not focusing on killing whoever this other person might be, but so happy that I had to express it somehow. It was a strange feeling to me, and it makes my arms tingly and numb. I quickly ran out of ammo, and searched the bodies around me for more. I found only two or three on those immediately around. Even as I dared venturing farther from the hole I had buried myself in for so long, there wasn’t any more ammo to find. I leaned my gun out of my hole to take aim again, when another shot ricocheted over my head. I ducked down instinctively, and then raised my rifle again. I saw a helmet wobble in the distance, and I took a shot at it. My round went through the helmet, knocking it to the muck, but I quickly realized that the helmet had been standing on a wooden rod. I had been had. Another shot quickly followed mine, coming from my left, and whirring past my head. I dug my heels into the dirt and fired a shot wildly in the direction my shot had come from. A miss. I reached in my pocket, and found I had just one round left. Just one piece of metal that would either kill this other person, or I myself would die. I laughed slightly at the oddity of this one thing being the only thing that would keep me from dying. I wiped the grime off of it and slid the bolt back on my rifle, and slid the round into place with a click. “My last stand.” I whispered to myself as I patted a hand on the beaten up rifle. I knew firing from a distance would be silly, as I had missed twice already. I would have to get close for it to work. I inched slowly, from hole to hole, pile of rubble to pile of rubble, until I got close to where the shots had originated. I scanned in every direction in front of me, but saw not a movement, nor heard a sound. Suddenly I heard something snap behind me. I whirled around in place to see a figure behind me, rifle in hand. I leveled my rifle as I turned and pulled the trigger. A strange noise came from my rifle, and nothing happened. It jammed. Here, at the very last moment, my rifle, my only friend, had betrayed me. I dropped it to the ground as the figure had its rifle pointed directly at my head. I slumped down, my back to the muck, as I knew death would soon come.
This, after all, was the end.
But, as I lay there with eyes closed, nothing happened. It was strange, hanging in that limbo between life and death, waiting for death to come…but it didn’t. I opened my eyes, and the figure was standing there, still looking at me, rifle trained on me. Why didn’t the person fire? I was helpless here, only a few feet away. It would be an easy kill. So…why?
It was then that I noticed…this rifle pointed at me…had no clip in it. Apparently…this person was out of ammo as well. The figured seemed to sigh a moment before dropping its rifle as well. It pulled a muck-covered rag off its face, and slid its helmet back and dropped it to the earth. A woman. Something I hadn’t seen in many years. Her dark hair was matted to her face, her green eyes staring into my own. Slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, her hand extended towards me. It hung there in the open air, as she slowly bent down slightly at me. I let out an uneasy breath as I matched the action. Our hands met, and she pulled me to my feet. We stood there for a long moment, hand in hand, staring at each other, not sure what to do. After a time, I felt hunger begin to gnaw at my stomach. I let go of her hand and reached into a pouch at my side. She looked at me worriedly, but I raised an open palm at her as I pulled out a candy bar. I broke it, wrapper and all, and offered it to her. She quickly grabbed it from me and gobbled it down. By her actions, I guessed she hadn’t eaten in days. I slumped down against a broken piece of building that was still standing upright and began to eat. She looked at me a moment before she sat down next to me. I surveyed the area around us, and there was naught even an echo to be heard. It might be possible that we were the only two people left in the world. As the darkness and silence began to grow around us, she leaned up against me. Being so used to cold steel, the warmth and softness of flesh seemed like some dream I was having. Maybe people…aren’t so bad after all. As I drifted off to sleep, a final thought slipped through my mind:
At least I’m not alone.
You are not Alone.
Alone
Solitary
Loner
Words that describe one which has no other
In a world of six billion, so many describe themselves as thus
For even in a crowd, the feeling of being alone
Permeates the fibers of our hearts
And every beat slowly takes us into sorrow
For none understand this pain
This sadness
This loneliness
That drains away the life from our limbs
And makes our hearts frigid and dark.
But, with six billion others that could be feeling the same way, are we really?
Are those that scream out into the void of their frozen hearts truly not heard?
Truly, this I say to you
That no cry may go unheard,
No tear fall in vain
I make this vow
You are not alone.
Reach out your hands beyond that barren, windswept plain of your heart
And you will find
Fingers
Reaching back to grasp yours
And pull you back into the warm of the sun
Though your darkness, reach out, reach out
For there is already a hand waiting to grasp yours.
Reach out
Find that light once again
And become that hand that reaches into the darkness of other’s hearts
So you me be the the proof that
You are not alone.
X&V,
K.D.S.