Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

[Drops of Sanity Rant] – To awaken a people from their stupor.

What does it take for men to wake up from their stupor?  In this world, so many problems lie before us, so many I cannot even begin to name them all.  Yet the people seem so aloof, so apathetic towards so many of them.  Perhaps it is because many do not seem to directly impact their daily lives, or that they find themselves too preoccupied with other matters.  Perhaps their noses are held so close to the grindstone that they find themselves unable to look up.  Perhaps, more cynically, some simply refuse to look up, to examine and tackle the world’s bigger problems.  Much as a politician dances around controversial issues, many seem to simply ignore the elephant in the room, whatever that elephant might be.  Some seem to relegate such intellectual matters to those they decide to elect in a matter of minutes, only to complain at the results for the years that nothing changes.


Perhaps though, the root of the problem is far deeper than that.  For so much of human history, the world has felt so far out of our control.  Disasters, wars, famine, and every cycle of nature seems to many to simply ignore our presence, our input, our will.  Reality in such a mind is something ‘which is’, rather than something that can be molded and shaped.  Reality becomes inflexible, unbending, unyielding, despite what we might want it to be like.  That very mindset cut to the root of the apathy, the mindless of so many today.  “This is how it is, and this is how it always will be.”  That line of thinking has been droned into people’s minds for countless generations, whether it be elders who are reluctant to accept a changing world, or those in power simply desiring a complacent populace.  Don’t rock the boat, don’t walk off beaten paths, don’t think beyond what we tell you.  It instills a sense of mindlessness, creating a flock of limp-willed sheep, eager to do their shepard’s will, even if that leads them to slaughter.


It has resulting in a stagnancy, an abatement of advancement, a diminishing of will.  Mankind has pushed so far in the last hundred years as some of the tendrils of the old world began to fall away, and as greater conflicts both divided and united the peoples of the world.  Yet as we enter the 21st century, even as chaos seems to spread around the globe, it seems to many almost regular, almost expected, mundane.  Is this simply due to the oversaturation of information, or the instilling of such sheepish ideas in people?


Revolution, war, famine are all happening around the globe at this very moment.  Yet why is it that people seem to ignore such things?  Why do they simply watch their 15 minutes of news, and move on with their day?  Is it because they don’t know how to help, or simply that they do not desire to?  That answer of course, would differ greatly from person to person.


Yet how can this change?  How can one shift the mindset of an entire people from ‘reality’ being something beyond their control to something that can be shaped, molded?  The easiest answer one would likely be the most controversial, and the most troubling.  There are two basic situations where people band together, where the walls and divisions that we put between each other come crumbling down, if only for a time.  These two would be in times of crisis, or times of achievement.  Quite expectedly, the two are rather intertwined, as achievement comes from solving a problem.  The more terrible the problem, the greater the exultation, but can also be harder for people to admit to, or harder for them to face.


But let us focus on the first idea, a crisis.  A crisis can mean many things to many people.  It can be a physical threat such as war, an emotional or societal one such as an idea or act to which people are opposed to, or a spiritual one such as a religious conflict.  All conflicts are divisive, but the latter two examples are especially so.  Men can do great and terrible things in pursuit of an idea or a god, but it can also break down barriers, see past petty conflicts that separate people.


Without a conflict, a goal, a greater purpose, people tend to turn inward, creating that conflict internally in a society between one group or another.  Something happens (or doesn’t), the people are roused to action (or merely hatred), and a fire is born.  Humanity itself a tinderbox of division and conflict, but as we have learned over countless millennia, conflict is what spurs any species to improve, to advance, to move forward.  The lack of such conflict, while calm, happy, and desirable, does not spur that growth.  In short, humanity in its current level of existence requires a villain, an evil to which to reflect themselves against, to base themselves on, to solidify our own sense of self and purpose, and fight against.  So when evil men come and do terrible things, is it the fault of the evil one, or are they merely fulfilling their purpose to the world at large?  Such an idea is likely left to one greater than I.

“Hello, Here I am” Response song to “Hello/How are you?”

I wrote a response song to the song, “Hello/How are you?”  It’s a Miku Hatsune song, and I worked off of a dub that madokaueno wrote up.  Here’s the lyrics to both songs!

I open my window
And whisper quietly
(How are you?)
In a room all by myself
There’s nobody here
The night is breaking
The rain is falling down again
(Tick tock)
Somebody please come and wind me up today

I remember this cartoon from a long time ago
(How are you?)
I was so jealous – he was loved by everybody
Enough with the daydreaming – I have to get ready soon
So I can hide the evidence of my tears

It’s become a habit to just say “Oh well”
And I remember what you said to me yesterday
“I won’t expect anything from you anymore”
Well, come on
I don’t expect much from myself either
But what kind of reaction were you hoping to get?
All of these honest words are waiting to be free but
What eventually come out were lies
And this is how I live, floating aimlessly by
Just sitting here, wasting all my precious words
Tell me why you keep silent and hide it all?
Are you that afraid of somebody laughing?
Is it true that you want to be by yourself?
Is that how you really feel?

I’m drowning in a sea of “maybe”s and “what if”s
It’s getting harder and harder to breathe
And now all I want to do is hear your voice
I know I’m not that strong

I’m trying to get ready for the rest of my day but
my brain’s not working – nothing’s getting done
I think, “Maybe I should make up an excuse and just stay home”
Oh, come on,
I know that won’t work
I don’t intend to actually carry it out
I know, I know, so don’t be mad at me

Whether I’m happy, whether I’m unhappy
Justly, cruelly, the sun will always rise
I have my hands full just trying to make it through the day
Now tell me – what more do you expect from me?
Tell me why you let everything get to you?
I know that you just want to be loved.
But who was the one who gave up first?
Have you realized yet?

If there’s a time card for the life I’ve lived
Then I wonder what time mine ends?
And who will pay the salary for the span of my life?
Thank you
I want to tell you how grateful I am
Thank you
I want to tell you how thankful I am
Thank you
It only has to be just one time
I just want to cry without holding anything back
Telling you thank you, thank you
Tell me why you keep silent and hide it all?
I know that you just want to be heard
And I promise that I won’t laugh or judge
So why don’t you talk to me?
No one will understand if you don’t speak out and
Just thinking it will never do
I know it’s troublesome but it’s human
You and I, and everyone

How are you
I say to you: Hello. How are you?




I open your window
And whisper quietly
(Here I am)
In a room by yourself
I am there too.
The dawn is coming
The sky opens up again
(Tick tock)
Here I am to wind you up again.

I remember that show from long ago.
(Here I am)
It might not be everyone, but I love you.
Enough with the tears, your day has just begun.
Cause I am here to wipe them away.

It’s become a habit to hear you say “Oh well”
And I remember what I said to you yesterday
“Your dream has not yet faded away.”
Well come on,
If dreams were so easy, then you wouldn’t need them.
It was the reaction I expected to get.
Though you try to hide it with selfish lies.
What eventually comes out will be the truth.
And this how you live, floating aimlessly by
Just siting here, wasting all your precious breath.
Tell me, why do you keep silent and             hide it all?
Are you afraid of someone laughing?
Is it true that you want to be by yourself?
Is that how you really feel?

You’re drowning in a sea of ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’
So I’ll help you breathe.
And now all I want is to hear your voice.
I know too I’m not strong.

I’m trying to get ready for the rest of         my day, but
You’re distant, and nothing’s getting  done.
You think, “Maybe I should make an excuse and just stay home.”
Oh, come on,
You know that won’t work.
You don’t intend to actually carry it out.
I know, I know, so I won’t be mad at         you.

Whether I’m happy, or whether I’m unhappy
Justly, brightly, the sun will always rise.
Your hands are full just making it through the day.
Now you say – “What more do you expect from me?”
Why do you let everything get to you?
I know you just want to be loved.
But you never really gave up at all.
Haven’t you realized yet?

If there’s a time card for the life we’ve lived
Then I know it’s always been blank.
The salary has been already paid for the span of your life.
You’re welcome.
You don’t need to say how grateful you are.
You’re welcome.
You don’t need to say how thankful you are.

You’re welcome.
Even if it was just one time.
I want you to let it out, without holding anything back.
Telling everything that weighs on your heart.
So why do you stay silent, and hide it all?
I know you just want to be heard.
And I promise I won’t laugh or judge.
So why don’t you talk to me?
No one will understand if you don’t speak out and
Just thinking it will never do.
I know it’s troublesome, but it’s human
You and I, and everyone.

Here I am.
I say to you: Hello, Here I am.


DoS Rant#1 “How I began writing.”

Hey everyone, sorry for the long time without posting anything.  I’ve been moving to a new town to start a new job.  Not one I’m pleased about, but we all have to eat, ne?  Since I haven’t been posting much to the site, I figured that all you people out there reading this might want some sort of explanation, along with something to think about. =D

Well, some of you guys have asked me before how I got started in this sort of thing, or even had the impetus to do so.  Looking back, I suppose there was no great trigger for me to start writing in the first place.  I was always an awkward kid, and never ran on the same wavelength of those around me.  To make a long story short, that kind of environment over several years in my youth drove me to live more and more inside my own head.  It started with the kind of things all kids do:  daydream.  Even while I was in school, I found that most schoolwork came very easy to me, far easier than many of my peers, so I spent the time when I was bored inside my own head.  These simple daydreams of a simple child eventually developed into real stories, much as the ones I work on now, though obviously the stories themselves were simplistic at first, as I was a child when I started doing this.  Though probably by the time I entered high school, the simplistic short stories had evolved into full-blown movies rolling in my head, much as how I see my stories now.  Even as my grades began to slide somewhat in high school from my lack of effort, my stories only grew in their complexity, and I spent much of my free time creating new ones.  Even after I got my driver’s license, I rarely felt the want to drive, because time sitting in a car was time for me to think up a new story, or work on an old one.  Introversion of that short has its major drawbacks, though, obviously, as I rarely interacted with most of the people in my high school, nor did I understand them (or really want to).  Part of me always wanted to be part of those groups, but the deeper my thinking grew, the more I thought the things they did were foolish and childish, which sometimes they were, sometimes they weren’t.  Was I stuck up? …Probably not.  I’ve rarely of thought myself as that much greater than anyone else (I made it a personal mission to try to keep my view of myself humble), though I always have wanted to think of myself as different.  As with all people in general, especially the truly creative souls, no one wants to think of him or herself simply as a cog in the system.  And for those few meglomanical enough, to think of themselves as greater than the system itself, which I’ve been guilty of from time to time.  About midway through high school, a girl I knew (and still know) from Madrid, Spain, along with a few of her friends knew of my skill with stories, and asked that I create at least a good scene for her and her friends, which the two stories I posted on here were created for that reason.  They loved sappy romances, and those happen to be rather easy for me to write, so I complied and churned out those scenes in about 15 minutes.  It was only until my senior year of high school did I truly feel the impetus to begin writing earnestly.  The year had been terrible on me, and I needed an outlet to release my frustration, so one day, I began writing.  About a week later I had written about 40-50 pages worth of my first novel, “The Darkness Within”.  I had a small group of people read it, entirely online friends I had, and with each chapter I released, they nagged me to add their own various touch to the story, which ended up horribly skewing it.  I still managed to get a lot of my original story across, but it became garbled in all the tidbits the readers had forced me to put in.  I never ended up finishing it, and I still have it, hovering at a chapter in the 20’s, though I can’t remember exactly at the moment.  Perhaps one day I’ll edit it properly so that I can finish it, but who knows.  The parts that were finished were actually rather much worth a read, to my readers and myself.  It was full of both dramatic and gut-bustingly funny parts, ones that made at least one reader fall from his chair, literally.  Maybe one day I’ll put it up here.  Anyways, after that, I quickly entered college, which then I realized my real flaw:  lack of focus, and lack of goals.  I suppose that’s the best way to word it.  I’m good at a number of different areas, math, English (writing especially), business, philosophy, and even some forms of art and music.  But because I was in so many things, I never got to the top of any of them.  As they say a jack-of-all-trades, but master of none.  Thus my four years at college were spent flopping from one major to another, in search of something that would actually keep my attention, and become a true career for me.  Despite my creative nature, creative degrees were furthest from my mind, especially because of my parents.  They were paying for much of my degree, and to them the only future lay in ‘solid’ fields; ones involved math, chemistry, accounting, and the like.  In short, majors like engineering, chemistry, math, criminal justice, accounting, business, etc.  And due to their influence, I ended up with a major that in reality, I didn’t want, Business Administration, but even so, I took the creative route: a Business Admin degree, but the major itself was actually Entrepreneurial Business.  I had the skill to work in that field, but I forgot the true key element of that field that I lacked:  people skills.  I’m good at working with people singularly, or even speaking, but only on occasion, not in a way that I could do it every day.  When I deliver individual speeches and presentations, people are generally impressed with what I can do.  When they have to spend every day around me, not so much.  So I ended up graduating with a BSBA degree, and found myself wondering the classic post-collegiate question:  What do I do from here?  And to tell you the truth, I still don’t know.  I found a job here in a fairly big city, though I suppose I shouldn’t name it, and it’s a decent job that pays fairly well, but not something I want to do forever.  It is only now that I realize that a potential skill of mine, one I could possibly make a living from and actually enjoy has been in my mind the whole time:  writing.  I’ve been creating stories for myself for so long, so I thought that it’d be a great opportunity to try to share them with others.  After all, creating characters, stories and worlds is my true passion.  I practically get Goosebumps when I get to write a good scene that I really enjoy.  But, as they say, the even the bad playwright will laugh at his own play, so I really need to start getting even the drafts I’m working on out to a few more people to evaluate them.  I really, really want every single one of you to be able to read my stories, now and in the future.  The joy would be endless for me to see one of my stories in a bookstore somewhere.  Nothing gives me more pleasure than to see someone enjoying a story that I’ve written, so I hope I can do so for every single one of you out there.  I’ve got a job-job now to make ends meet, but I’ll try my best to make time to continue writing, for myself, and for every one of you wonderful people out there.  I’m gonna try my best to go pro with it, but even if I can’t, so long as I have one die-hard fan, I think that’ll be enough.  I suppose you can thank my drive to do this a lot to you guys especially my ‘siblings’ out there encouraging me, along with the rest of my fans.  Wish me the best guys, and thanks for all your support.


-Koyoto D. Shadow

P.S.    Because of what happened with that first story, I’m gonna try to release my current novel all at once, or at least in significant chunks, so that I don’t have to worry about being pressured to alter it while its in production.  If all goes well, “Rumbling Hearts” will be my first novel full novel posted anywhere, and hopefully my first one published!  Thanks again for all your support!


Quote of the day:  “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.  Personally I feel like a pile of mochi.”